...it's the only plot we got.

Archive for February, 2011

Rambles in the Mist – XII: Thus Ends Black History Month 2011

Jacob Taylor, Black Man in Space

Pictured: least emotionally distraught/batshit insane character from Mass Effect 2.

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Let’s Play! Dragon Age II Demo! With Commentary!

Rescue the Princess! plays Bioware’s Dragon Age II demo from start to finish! b-rock and Lost Link do commentary! Don’t want commentary? We’ve already upped a version without! Check here or go to the RtP! Youtube channel! Four parts in total! There be spoilers for Dragon Age: Origins, Awakening, and minor ones for Dragon Age II!

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Rescue the Princess! – #0006! Short Version!

Short, edited version of “Karma Crunchcast” aka podcast SIX! Edited by Lost Link and that is why the resolution is all CRAZY. Rescue the Princess talks about the Karma Meter and its affect on games! BIOSHOCK EPISODE IS NEVER COMING BECAUSE OF NEGATIVE KARMA!

Maybe kinda spoilers for:

  • Baldur’s Gate (NOT REALLY)
  • Baldur’s Gate II: Shadows of Amn (NOT REALLY)
  • Baldur’s Gate II: Throne of Bhaal (NOT REALLY)
  • Dragon Age: Origins (NOT REALLY)
  • Dragon Age II (NOT REALLY)
  • Fallout 3 (NOT REALLY)
  • Fallout: New Vegas (NOT REALLY)
  • Infamous (NOT REALLY)
  • Mass Effect (NOT REALLY)
  • Mass Effect 2 (KINDA BUT IT SHOULDN’T BE)
  • Metal Gear Solid (KINDA)
  • Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker (KINDA)
  • Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations (KINDA)
  • Planescape: Torment (NOT REALLY)
  • Red Dead Redemption (NOT REALLY)
  • Shadow the Hedgehog (NOT REALLY)
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne (NOT REALLY)
  • Spider-Man: Web of Shadows (NOT REALLY)
  • Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (NOT REALLY)
  • Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords (NOT REALLY)

Opening music jacked from “8-bit Escape from L.A. Theme”. Enthusiastically edited by Lost Link.


RUMOR CONTRACT: Cave Story Creator Swears Off Developing Videogames Forever

Cave Story: The Anime coming next year

Cave Story is the pinnacle of videogame development; all games past, present, and future will never transcend its brilliance.

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Let’s Play! Dragon Age II Demo!

b-rock of Rescue the Princess! plays Bioware’s Dragon Age II demo from start to finish! It shows the opening of the game, to be released on March 8th, 2011…so RUN AWAY IF YOU WANT THE VIRGIN EXPERIENCE! Four parts in total! Check them out and more at the official Rescue the Princess Youtube channel!

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Square-Enix Causes Rescue the Princess to Implode

DAMN YOU DENEB, YOU BEWITCHING BEAUTY

Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together preorders lacking tarot cards; Rescue the Princess now without direction.

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Portraits of the Princess – XIII: A Fool’s Empress

yasahime's Mitsuru Kirijo

gekkoukan’s goddess
evokes such adoration
stop the fall for her

No big sexy res. Artwork by yasahime.


RUMOR CONTRACT: Nintendo Celebrates 25th Anniversary of Zelda By Conquering North Korea

Zelda: most royal rump

The formerly fascist state has been officially renamed to “Hyrule”.

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Rescue the Princess! – #0007! Skull Kid Guy Sucks! Uncut!

It’s podcast EPISODE SEVEN! Not the Bioshock episode…or even a topic episode! It’s the very, very first GAME episode from Rescue the Princess…and to mark such an occassion, it’s about THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: MAJORA’S MASK! Hey, it’s also the 25th anniversary, isn’t it?? Long, uncut, highly not safe for work but with pretty, pretty pictures and sexy dancing! Special guest: SKULL KID. DAMN YOU OFF CENTER CAMERA!

Super spoilers for:

  • The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

…OBVIOUSLY. Oh and Groundhog Day starring the eternal greatness that is Bill Murray! Get audio only mp3 here! Do you think that Majora’s Mask is LITERARY GOODNESS or GIMMICKY BOLLOCKS? Email the show or post in the comments!

Opening music jacked from “8-bit Escape from L.A. Theme”. Erotically edited by b-rock.


Musings of Mudora – IV: Falling Out

cow

Know what’s cool about video games? They give players experiences. Sure you can go ride a bike, climb a mountain, eat ice cream, and do a back-flip off your garage onto a trampoline to the sound of Fort Minor’s “Remember the Name”. But how many us have traversed the wasteland of Washington D.C. after a nuclear fallout?

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Atlus Provides Hard Evidence That Persona 2: Innocent Sin Will Be Awesome

Atlus insiders show Rescue the Princess secret documents proving its awesomeness as indisputable fact.

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Rambles in the Mist – XI: Psychonauts Depicts Most Realistic Young Love Ever

FUCK YEAH, BEST SUMMER CAMP EVER

Bless your heart, Tim Schafer!

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The World’s Most Romantic Game is Persona 3 Portable

SOCIAL LINK REVERSAL

Whether you play as a girl or a boy, you can love up everyone and that’s what matters most.

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Happy Valentine’s Day from Rescue the Princess!

Jin Kisaragi and Kimmy Howell, drowning away their sorrows while Lilith rejoices

Drink 2011’s Singles Awareness Day away with other such sexy singles!

Click pic for SUPER big sexy res. Artwork by caria0.


Gaming’s 5 Most Attractive (And Rejected) Stalkers

Lezard Valeth, the Edward Cullen of Videogames

It is a truth commonly known that the best of the best tales of romance contain wild obsession and attempted rape and murder, from Apollo and Daphne to Les Miserables to Twilight to the greatest tale of all, WALL-E; videogames are no exception. But in celebration of Singles Awareness Day, let us not read about those who were successful in their pursuits! Let us read about those who tried yet inexplicably failed, despite their personal beauty, charisma, and insanity!

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Rambles in the Mist – X: The Romantic Horrors of Harvest Moon – Regarding Player Responsibility in Choosing Marriage Candidates and the Annihilation of the Happiness and Existence of Others

The Romantic Horrors of Harvest Moon - a study by Dr. Phil E. Mon

[b-rock is but a conduit for the Crawling Chaos.]


RUMOR CONTRACT: Pokemon Black and White to Have Romance and Sexual Education in World Release

Black, White, N threesome rape is canon

Due to overwhelming amounts of love and lust on the Internet, Game Freak has added a romance mini-game.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Professor Layton Specifically Designed to Steal Souls of Women

Professor Layton and Luke look for ADVENTURE and PROFIT

Level-5 president confirms the use of market-enhancing drugs and gentlemanly behavior.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Valkyria Chronicles Artbook Attack Delayed For Beach Episode

Juno Coren and Freesia York met again three years after the Second Europan War in the summer of 1938. Then and there, they found true love in each other.

Udon Entertainment bent on capitalizing on summer sales and swimsuit editions.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Polls Show College-Aged Males Despise Gears of War 3

The ladies'll be dead and raped by mid-game

86% blame the open presence of women.

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Portraits of the Princess – XII: A Gameboy Built for Two

gelato's Princess Daisy

mainstream geeks eat peach
gorging on the classic taste
try some daisy cake

Click pic for big sexy res. Artwork by gelato.


4 Great Lagomorphic Characters That Should Dictate the Destiny of 2011

2011 shall bring about the Cultural Rabbit Revolution!

Mindless violence, cheap thrills, sequels upon sequels, gluttonous corporations swallowing the meek; dark days are upon the world of videogames. Do we dare to dream of dawn while we are consumed by this midnight express of errors, bereft of true adventure?

Yes, I say; dream! For it is a new year; the year of the Rabbit! Salvation shall lie this way; four great minds to shape our FUTURE!

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“Metroid: Other M” Has Best Game Story and Characters of 2010

Samus' ass holds the future of Metroid

It’s official, says Rescue the Princess crew.