RUMOR CONTRACT: Pokemon Black and White to Have Romance and Sexual Education in World Release
Due to overwhelming amounts of love and lust on the Internet, Game Freak has added a romance mini-game.
“Every day since we released Pocket Monsters Red and Green, I have people mailing me their fanart of Red and Misty in sexual congress,” sighs Mr. Freak, CEO of Game Freak, the developers behind the smash hit franchise. “I figure if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.”
In an official statement from Nintendo early this morning, Pokemon Black and White, to be released worldwide on March 4-10, 2011, will contain available romances with Bianca, Cheren, and N, regardless of your player avatar’s gender.
Parents applaud the move.
“I couldn’t bear to explain the birds and the bees to my 10-year-old, but these Pokemon games will be able to,” says Janine Zenigame, mother of three and part-time firefighter. “I also enjoy the promise of strapping young lads attempting to dominate one another.”
As predicted by Poke-analysts, fan-reaction was indignant.
“This is bullshit! JUST Bianca, Cheren, and N? Where the hell’s Caitlin?!” ~ PolkaKid37 on Serebii.net forums
“I am boycotting anything Pokemon until Game Freak allows the player to marry their significant other, start a family, and raise a successful farm in under four years.” ~ XxXSmugleavesXxX on her Tumblr
“Do you think we’ll ever get Trainer-Pokemon sexytimes?” ~ Anonymous Rescue the Princess administrator
[b-rock is an accredited RUMORMONGER, formerly affiliated with the Kuzunoha Detective Agency. Now freelance due to (CENSORED) which resulted in (CENSORED)’s Master Ball getting wasted on an Apsaras. “Pokemon” is a videogame series that lords over all. Developed by Game Freak, a company that cannot be stopped.]
This entry was posted on February 11, 2011. It was filed under Pretentious, b-rock, RUMOR CONTRACT and was tagged with adventure, game design, love, shipping war, oshawott, pokemon, black and white, game freak, fan-fantasy, n, literary, story, videogames, white, homosexuality, rumor, the crawling chaos, 1000 percent truth, belief, yellow journalism, canon, sexuality, release dates, girls, black, romance, dating sim, heterosexuality, threesomes, europe, yuri, sexy, fanart, yaoi, cash cow franchise, fans, pokemon trainer, boys, grey, global, north america, australia, sex ed, birds and the bees, touya, touko, cheren, bianca, pocket monsters, mini-game, lust, cockfight.