...it's the only plot we got.

Archive for March, 2011

RUMOR CONTRACT: 2K Games Delivers “Sucker Punch” to Warner in Copyright Battle

baby doll

Warner Bros. has allegedly been accused of using copy-written material from 2K Games’ popular 2007 video game Bioshock, in Zack Snyder’s recent action-packed blockbuster Sucker Punch.

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Rescue the Princess! – #0008! Short Version!

Short, edited version of podcast eight! “Small Fry”! The Zelda episode with special guest: Zelda Girl! I took a long time to put this up because I’M THE ONLY ONE WRITING GODDAMMIT I WANT A BREAK TO PLAY DRAGON AGE 2 AND SHOGUN 2 AND AW YEAH POKEMON BLACK.

Super spoilers for:

  • The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
  • The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening
  • The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
  • The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
  • The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker
  • The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
  • The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks

Opening music jacked from “8-bit Escape from L.A. Theme”. Enthusiastically edited by Lost Link.


Portraits of the Princess – XVI: A Gentleman Should Always Swap Clothes When Asked

caria's Flora Reinhold and Luke Triton

in a high tower
the golden riddle answer
enjoys luke abuse

Click pic for big sexy res. Artwork by caria0.


Let’s Play! Dragon Age II! Parts 1-10! No Commentary!

Part 1 – Intro of ACTION!

It’s the intro! A sexy dwarf interrogated, a sexy Seeker interrogating, and so the legend of the Champion of Kirkwall begins! HEY, SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE GAME FROM HERE ON! Hit the jump for the rest!

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Rescue the Princess! – #0008! Small Fry!

Podcast episode EIGHT! Zelda episode! …um, wait, WHAT?? Did Rescue the Princess follow through on a promise from last time…? By Tingle’s beard, yes we did! We even have a special guest: Zelda Girl! We have HEATED DISCUSSION on which Zelda game is the greatest and what each game MEANS. So much literaryness that you’ll want to choke yourselves to death on rupees! Long, uncut, kinda-not-really-safe-for-work-on-account-of-HEATED-DISCUSSION, references to the path of overcoming and TONS OF ZELDA PICTURES!

Super spoilers for:

  • The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
  • The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening
  • The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
  • The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
  • The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker
  • The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
  • The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks

Sorry we didn’t talk about your favorite Zelda if it doesn’t happen to be on the list! Get audio only mp3 here! So? What are YOUR thoughts on the Zelda universe? Should we get to witness a man turning into a Stalfos? Is Wind Waker the greatest Zelda of forever? Got TIMELINE THEORIES?? Email the show or post some comments!

Opening music jacked from “8-bit Escape from L.A. Theme”. Erotically edited by b-rock.


Let’s Play! Dragon Age II!

Rescue the Princess! b-rock plays Bioware’s “Dragon Age II” from start to finish! That’s right, the entire game! Only showing dialogue and cutscenes though! Maybe some fights if it’s really important! Here’s the preamble! Keep an eye out on our Youtube channel or our own Let’s Play Dragon Age II page for the rest!

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Dragon Age and Pokemon Crossover Due Next Year

Varric x Bianca SEXYTIMES next year!

Varric and Bianca confirmed to be main characters.

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Portraits of the Princess – XV: Natural Nectar Napping

gelato's Erika

dreams only sweet dreams
beauty is her obsession
embraces the gloom

Click pic for big sexy res. Artwork by gelato.


Rambles in the Mist – XIII: Pokemon Black and White is OUT

Pokemon cannot be stopped

IT’S HERE.

[b-rock is waiting for Pokemon Grey.]


Let’s Play! Warhammer 40K Dawn of War II: Retribution! What a Long Title!

b-rock plays the Warhammer 40K Dawn of War II: Retribution expansion campaign…for the Imperial Guard! WATCH OUT, there be SPOILERS for all the games before! Commentary by b-rock! Like all Let’s Plays, two versions of every video will be put up: one with commentary and one without so you have options! Keep an eye on the Rescue the Princess Youtube channel for further videos!

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Sega’s Yakuza 4 Will Be Released in North America Completely Uncensored

LIKE A DRAGON 4

Except for a quiz game that was deemed incomprehensible and an opening video so sexual, it reverted Buddhist monks out of celibacy.

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Rescue the Princess! – #0007! Short Version!

It’s the edited, short version of “Skull Kid Guy Sucks”! THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: MAJORA’S MASK episode! Rescue the Princess celebrates it and Zelda’s 25th anniversary! AND GROUNDHOG DAY!

Super spoilers for:

  • The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

Opening music jacked from “8-bit Escape from L.A. Theme”. Enthusiastically edited by Lost Link.


Portraits of the Princess – XIV: An Uncharted Persia

CrazySharly's Elika and the Prince

reckless leap again
hand pulls me from the abyss
my barefoot savior

Click pic for big sexy res. Artwork by CrazySharly.


RUMOR CONTRACT: Confirmation of Catherine to be Released in North America Confirmed By Reputable Sources

CATHERINE, SEX-PUZZLE-NIGHTMARE GAME, NORTH AMERICA, SUMMER 2011, FOX NEWS GOES BALLISTIC

Rescue the Princess absolutely correct; will continue to tell 1000% truth in videogame journalism from here to eternity.

Sourced with 100% accuracy from Siliconera, Kotowari, and Secret Sexy Atlus CEO Catherine’s erotic email.

[b-rock will perform responsible journalism from now on, swearing upon the trustworthiness of Trias the Betrayer.]