...it's the only plot we got.

Posts tagged “1000 percent truth

Video Games Are Not a Waste of Time!

Or are they?


Rescue the Princess! – #0012! Seven Deadly Sins!

Podcast episode TWELVE but it’s really episode NINE but we never got around to putting it up until now because b-rock lost the edits a long time ago and broke down in tears until deciding to re-edit it all! SEVEN DEADLY SINS episode! It’s 1000% accurate and full of journalistic integrity! Rescue the Princess names the epitomes for each sin in videogaming existence…but wait! We all disagree? So you’re getting 21 names altogether! Who, you might ask? Watch on and find out! Spoilers? Maybe! NSFW?? Just a tad! b-rock gets censored??? DEFINITELY.

No short version of this because Lost Link won’t edit it! No mp3 audio only either! Just this vid; watch or be condemned to gaze into Lucifer’s genitals for eternity! Who are YOUR seven deadly sins of videogames? Email the show or post some comments!

Opening music jacked from “8-bit Escape from L.A. Theme”. Erotically edited by b-rock.


RUMOR CONTRACT: Square-Enix Uses Phoenix Down on Ogre Battle Series; Revives It Into FPS

March of the Black FPS

Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen returns next spring as a quasi-turn-based first-person shooter set in Ivalice.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Atlus to Introduce Persona Clothing Line

Modelling for Abercrombie & Fitch, Persona 2 girls' uniforms

Will supply uniforms to high schools worldwide.

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BIG NEWS: Rescue the Princess Blacklists Megaten, Writes Brilliant Literary Analysis, and Joins Skyward Sword Development Team

Another Crisis: Persona 4 is the only Megaten I will tolerate

Rescue the Princess to close down within a week.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Dragon Age and Pokemon Crossover Due Next Year

Varric x Bianca SEXYTIMES next year!

Varric and Bianca confirmed to be main characters.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Cave Story Creator Swears Off Developing Videogames Forever

Cave Story: The Anime coming next year

Cave Story is the pinnacle of videogame development; all games past, present, and future will never transcend its brilliance.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Square-Enix Causes Rescue the Princess to Implode

DAMN YOU DENEB, YOU BEWITCHING BEAUTY

Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together preorders lacking tarot cards; Rescue the Princess now without direction.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Nintendo Celebrates 25th Anniversary of Zelda By Conquering North Korea

Zelda: most royal rump

The formerly fascist state has been officially renamed to “Hyrule”.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Atlus Provides Hard Evidence That Persona 2: Innocent Sin Will Be Awesome

Atlus insiders show Rescue the Princess secret documents proving its awesomeness as indisputable fact.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Pokemon Black and White to Have Romance and Sexual Education in World Release

Black, White, N threesome rape is canon

Due to overwhelming amounts of love and lust on the Internet, Game Freak has added a romance mini-game.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Professor Layton Specifically Designed to Steal Souls of Women

Professor Layton and Luke look for ADVENTURE and PROFIT

Level-5 president confirms the use of market-enhancing drugs and gentlemanly behavior.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Valkyria Chronicles Artbook Attack Delayed For Beach Episode

Juno Coren and Freesia York met again three years after the Second Europan War in the summer of 1938. Then and there, they found true love in each other.

Udon Entertainment bent on capitalizing on summer sales and swimsuit editions.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Polls Show College-Aged Males Despise Gears of War 3

The ladies'll be dead and raped by mid-game

86% blame the open presence of women.

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“Metroid: Other M” Has Best Game Story and Characters of 2010

Samus' ass holds the future of Metroid

It’s official, says Rescue the Princess crew.


RUMOR CONTRACT: “Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together” Resurrects Freddie Mercury For Soundtrack

TRIVIA: Brian May voices the fortune teller.

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Top 10 Best Lines in Video Game Narratives

kidding

Dialogue has been an integral part of human interaction since the beginning of all time. In stories, dialogue can reveal the nature of a character, progress the plot, and create understanding in the audience. If the script is good enough, a single character can dominate a role to the point where the script seems to disappear. The same is true in video game narratives. A large part of our love of certain video game characters comes from our appreciation of not only what they do (actions) but what they say (dialogue). Below is a collection of the most inspired, well-written, thought-provoking, character-driven lines spoken by a character in a video game.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: The 3rd Birthday Is Square-Enix’s First Real Foray Into Pornography

The 3rd Birthday contains three tentacle sex scenes, five heterosexual sex scenes, thirteen lesbian sex scenes, two gay sex scenes, and twenty counts of softcore behaviour

Also contains tentacle rape.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Gallian Army Invades Akihabara; Forcibly Drafts Civilians

Valkyria Chronicles III: Attack of the Clones

Valkyrur are reported to be purging Sony offices with azure flames; Sega revels in vengeance.

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Top 6 Most Developed Characters in Video Games

tingle

Who are the most developed characters in gaming?

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Index Murdered After Forcing Atlus’ Children Into Prostitution

Atlus cosplays as Mother Harlot during her working hours

Atlus confesses to crime; gaming world looks on in morbid curiosity.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Europe and the Americas Don’t Care About Story, Says Nintendo

This game probably isn't good

Citing The Last Story as their prime example, Nintendo also illustrated why the Western world is unable to read.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Kingdom Hearts Arrested For Taunting Fans

KINGDOM HEARTS YAOI THAT IS WHAT RESCUE THE PRINCESS IS ALL ABOUT

Desperate gaming junkies pleaded to see the Square-Enix powerhouse, only to be verbally assaulted when Kingdom Hearts left its office on Tuesday.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Final Fantasy XIII-2 Delayed To Avoid Confrontation With Ar Tonelico Qoga

Yun Fang x Lightning FF yuri hentai not available yet

Revelations over high levels of sexual content has Square-Enix in retreat.

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