...it's the only plot we got.

Posts tagged “sex

Rescue the Princess! – #0019! Badasses F*** Their Crew!

RtP! discusses the concept of romantic relationships in video games, specifically ones that are affected by the player’s actions.

Games discussed and possible spoilers for: Mass Effect, Harvest Moon, Fire Emblem, Alpha Protocol, Pandora’s Tower, Persona 3 + 4, Dragon Age II.


The Best Video Game Stories of 2011 by Lost Link

best stories

2011 was a good year for video games with a lot of big releases during the last quarter. I haven’t even been able to start a few that I wanted to play (thanks Skyrim!). Unlike one of my notorious accomplices b-rock, I try to dedicate my time to a single gaming experience before moving on to the next. I feel more immersed and focused on the game’s story and characters. That, or my memory won’t allow me to save multiple princesses at once. But as the year is up I must pause and reflect upon the games that have stood out among the crowd and captured my imagination.

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Musings of Mudora – V: My Love Affair with Catherine

catherine

Catherine tells the twisting tale of Vincent Brooks, the laid-back ordinary shlum of a guy whose life gets turned upside down when his girlfriend starts hinting that she wants to get married.

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Rescue the Princess! – #0012! Seven Deadly Sins!

Podcast episode TWELVE but it’s really episode NINE but we never got around to putting it up until now because b-rock lost the edits a long time ago and broke down in tears until deciding to re-edit it all! SEVEN DEADLY SINS episode! It’s 1000% accurate and full of journalistic integrity! Rescue the Princess names the epitomes for each sin in videogaming existence…but wait! We all disagree? So you’re getting 21 names altogether! Who, you might ask? Watch on and find out! Spoilers? Maybe! NSFW?? Just a tad! b-rock gets censored??? DEFINITELY.

No short version of this because Lost Link won’t edit it! No mp3 audio only either! Just this vid; watch or be condemned to gaze into Lucifer’s genitals for eternity! Who are YOUR seven deadly sins of videogames? Email the show or post some comments!

Opening music jacked from “8-bit Escape from L.A. Theme”. Erotically edited by b-rock.


The Great Default FemShep Debate

FemShep is the only Shep

Who will be the female face for Mass Effect 3?

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Confirmation of Catherine to be Released in North America Confirmed By Reputable Sources

CATHERINE, SEX-PUZZLE-NIGHTMARE GAME, NORTH AMERICA, SUMMER 2011, FOX NEWS GOES BALLISTIC

Rescue the Princess absolutely correct; will continue to tell 1000% truth in videogame journalism from here to eternity.

Sourced with 100% accuracy from Siliconera, Kotowari, and Secret Sexy Atlus CEO Catherine’s erotic email.

[b-rock will perform responsible journalism from now on, swearing upon the trustworthiness of Trias the Betrayer.]


Gaming’s 5 Most Attractive (And Rejected) Stalkers

Lezard Valeth, the Edward Cullen of Videogames

It is a truth commonly known that the best of the best tales of romance contain wild obsession and attempted rape and murder, from Apollo and Daphne to Les Miserables to Twilight to the greatest tale of all, WALL-E; videogames are no exception. But in celebration of Singles Awareness Day, let us not read about those who were successful in their pursuits! Let us read about those who tried yet inexplicably failed, despite their personal beauty, charisma, and insanity!

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RUMOR CONTRACT: The 3rd Birthday Is Square-Enix’s First Real Foray Into Pornography

The 3rd Birthday contains three tentacle sex scenes, five heterosexual sex scenes, thirteen lesbian sex scenes, two gay sex scenes, and twenty counts of softcore behaviour

Also contains tentacle rape.

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Rescue the Princess! – #0004! A New Hope! Long But Still Short Edition??

Podcast FOUR! So unlucky! But that’s ok, because this one was OBVIOUSLY FILMED ON NOT THE SAME DAY AS PODCAST THREE! The crew talks about EIGHT upcoming games of 2011 that may or may not have AWESOME stories but they better have awesome stories or heads will roll! You better look forward to these games too! Except anything from b-rock, as his selection contains far too much SEXY BEAST! ALL PODCASTS NSFW BY THE WAY!

Maybe kinda spoilers for:

Get audio only mp3 here! Is this the shortest UNCUT podcast from Rescue the Princess ever???? Top 3 list good and proper write-ups coming soon! HEY LISTEN write in what YOUR prophesied best game stories of 2011 will be! NOTHING FROM THE END OF THE YEAR; SORRY LAST GUARDIAN AND MASS EFFECT 3. Oh hey what’s this in April?

Opening music jacked from “8-bit Escape from L.A. Theme”. Erotically edited by b-rock.


Rambles in the Mist – II: No More Sacred Heroes

THAT COULD'VE BEEN A GIRL. BOTH OF THEM.

“The Trico is a very powerful creature… If we’d had a beefed-up, powerful hero, it would have thrown off the balance a little bit, so the design naturally drove me to create an adolescent female character who was light on her feet. But in the end I decided a boy would have a little more grip to climb the Trico. Another problem is that girls tend to wear skirts, and The Last Guardian features a lot of climbing…”

~Fumito Ueda

Really.

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