...it's the only plot we got.

Posts tagged “the crawling chaos

RUMOR CONTRACT: RUMOR CONTRACT Agents Poached By Unscrupulous Media Mogul

Videogame Journalism

Defections to 2-BIT! imminent.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Square-Enix Uses Phoenix Down on Ogre Battle Series; Revives It Into FPS

March of the Black FPS

Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen returns next spring as a quasi-turn-based first-person shooter set in Ivalice.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Atlus to Introduce Persona Clothing Line

Modelling for Abercrombie & Fitch, Persona 2 girls' uniforms

Will supply uniforms to high schools worldwide.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Dragon Age and Pokemon Crossover Due Next Year

Varric x Bianca SEXYTIMES next year!

Varric and Bianca confirmed to be main characters.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Sega’s Yakuza 4 Will Be Released in North America Completely Uncensored

LIKE A DRAGON 4

Except for a quiz game that was deemed incomprehensible and an opening video so sexual, it reverted Buddhist monks out of celibacy.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Confirmation of Catherine to be Released in North America Confirmed By Reputable Sources

CATHERINE, SEX-PUZZLE-NIGHTMARE GAME, NORTH AMERICA, SUMMER 2011, FOX NEWS GOES BALLISTIC

Rescue the Princess absolutely correct; will continue to tell 1000% truth in videogame journalism from here to eternity.

Sourced with 100% accuracy from Siliconera, Kotowari, and Secret Sexy Atlus CEO Catherine’s erotic email.

[b-rock will perform responsible journalism from now on, swearing upon the trustworthiness of Trias the Betrayer.]



RUMOR CONTRACT: Cave Story Creator Swears Off Developing Videogames Forever

Cave Story: The Anime coming next year

Cave Story is the pinnacle of videogame development; all games past, present, and future will never transcend its brilliance.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Square-Enix Causes Rescue the Princess to Implode

DAMN YOU DENEB, YOU BEWITCHING BEAUTY

Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together preorders lacking tarot cards; Rescue the Princess now without direction.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Nintendo Celebrates 25th Anniversary of Zelda By Conquering North Korea

Zelda: most royal rump

The formerly fascist state has been officially renamed to “Hyrule”.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Atlus Provides Hard Evidence That Persona 2: Innocent Sin Will Be Awesome

Atlus insiders show Rescue the Princess secret documents proving its awesomeness as indisputable fact.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Pokemon Black and White to Have Romance and Sexual Education in World Release

Black, White, N threesome rape is canon

Due to overwhelming amounts of love and lust on the Internet, Game Freak has added a romance mini-game.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Professor Layton Specifically Designed to Steal Souls of Women

Professor Layton and Luke look for ADVENTURE and PROFIT

Level-5 president confirms the use of market-enhancing drugs and gentlemanly behavior.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Valkyria Chronicles Artbook Attack Delayed For Beach Episode

Juno Coren and Freesia York met again three years after the Second Europan War in the summer of 1938. Then and there, they found true love in each other.

Udon Entertainment bent on capitalizing on summer sales and swimsuit editions.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Polls Show College-Aged Males Despise Gears of War 3

The ladies'll be dead and raped by mid-game

86% blame the open presence of women.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: “Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together” Resurrects Freddie Mercury For Soundtrack

TRIVIA: Brian May voices the fortune teller.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: The 3rd Birthday Is Square-Enix’s First Real Foray Into Pornography

The 3rd Birthday contains three tentacle sex scenes, five heterosexual sex scenes, thirteen lesbian sex scenes, two gay sex scenes, and twenty counts of softcore behaviour

Also contains tentacle rape.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Gallian Army Invades Akihabara; Forcibly Drafts Civilians

Valkyria Chronicles III: Attack of the Clones

Valkyrur are reported to be purging Sony offices with azure flames; Sega revels in vengeance.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Index Murdered After Forcing Atlus’ Children Into Prostitution

Atlus cosplays as Mother Harlot during her working hours

Atlus confesses to crime; gaming world looks on in morbid curiosity.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Europe and the Americas Don’t Care About Story, Says Nintendo

This game probably isn't good

Citing The Last Story as their prime example, Nintendo also illustrated why the Western world is unable to read.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Kingdom Hearts Arrested For Taunting Fans

KINGDOM HEARTS YAOI THAT IS WHAT RESCUE THE PRINCESS IS ALL ABOUT

Desperate gaming junkies pleaded to see the Square-Enix powerhouse, only to be verbally assaulted when Kingdom Hearts left its office on Tuesday.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Final Fantasy XIII-2 Delayed To Avoid Confrontation With Ar Tonelico Qoga

Yun Fang x Lightning FF yuri hentai not available yet

Revelations over high levels of sexual content has Square-Enix in retreat.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Z-List Actors Find Employment in Rockstar’s L.A. Noire

L.A. Noire is realism

Rockstar Games unlock keys to realism: the uncanny valley and amateur directing.

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RUMOR CONTRACT: Nintendo Outraged Over Portrayal In Lesbian Dating Sim

Sexy Console Wars a la Japan

Family entertainment giant Nintendo pushes for damnatio memoriae on Idea Factory’s Hyperdimension Neptunia.

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